notevensorey | IC Inbox

[Sorey's out in the living room relaxing with a cup of tea and a book. If you guessed that it's a trashy romance novel, you'd be entirely correct. He's weak to the trash. However, on hearing Jun approach and speak to him, he marks his place and immediately sets the book down so he can give his friend the undivided attention that's deserved. The brunet hums thoughtfully as he raises a hand to his chin.]

Hmm... that's a very good question. I think that it depends on how hot that hatred runs, you know? Whether it's something like an intense dislike towards someone, a grudge because of the actions they've made, or a hatred where you think you might do something you regret to that person.

[He tilts his head at Jun.]

Do any of those sound similar to what you're asking?

[He has a feeling it's because his friend is experiencing that emotion right now, but he won't call him out on it. Sorey's goal is to invite it as a "hypothetical" discussion.]

[Normally Jun might ask about the trashy romance novel, because he's weak to trash too, but right now he's got his mind on other things. He'll sit down quietly on the armchair across from Sorey, listening to him list off scenarios

He then gives a little bit of a nod.]

...A grudge, I think. [He wrings his hands together for a moment. Sorey should probably know the context] Remember when I explained Wolfwood's background, and I mentioned a cult?

[He swallows]

The creator of the cult is here...he's Vash's brother. But Vash said the one who showed up here is still a child. Roughly the equivalent of a 10 year old. He's...hoping he can take this chance to steer this version of his brother to a better path.

[Sorey gives him a nod at the question, and listens patiently as his friend describes the details. He looks a little worried when he hears that, but it's more because he's concerned for Jun and Vash.]

Ah, I see. That explains it.

[The brunet gives it some more thought. Sorey can definitely see where Jun's grudge against this man is coming from in light of that.]

I think that in the moment of a grudge, it's understandable to want to shy away from any forgiveness or grace to give to that person. Maybe you wish harm or misfortune on them because of what they did, and that's natural. Working through a grudge is... difficult, even at the best of times, because it's like a huge, tangled knot of a lot of strong emotions.

You don't have to forgive his brother. Neither do you have to engage with this current version of him, even if he does change for the better. It's important to let yourself feel those emotions and acknowledge that they're there, and then gradually let go of the intensity of them. That anger and hatred might not fade completely, but that's normal and it's okay if that happens. Does this make sense?

[He's quiet as he listens to what Sorey says, processing what he says. That is understandable....normal, to be feeling what he's feeling. Just hearing Sorey put some of the darker thoughts into words make it feel less extreme.

He swallows and gives a little nod]

Y-Yeah, it does, but...

Is it okay to feel that way, even as a holy knight? It feels like I should be able to rise above my grievances and find forgiveness. And the fact that I can't...

... If I let myself feel those feelings, I'm not going to start producing malevolence am I? I don't want to endanger Mikleo.

[Ah, this poor kid. Suddenly, Sorey's a lot more grateful that he's gone into the profession he did, and is also old enough to give the advice that his past self would've wanted to hear when he had those questions himself.]

A holy knight is human at their core, and it's human to feel some pretty ugly emotions. What matters is how those emotions are handled. To admit that you can't treat someone fairly because of what they've done, and then remove yourself from that situation is wise. It's less being above your feelings and more learning how to live with them in a healthy way.

[As for the malevolence....]

You won't start producing malevolence if you let yourself feel them. It's when those feelings go unacknowledged or it turns from a grudge to self-righteousness, that's when those feelings can become dangerous. That you're willing to ask for advice and self-reflect instead tells me that you'll be okay. And if you feel like you're not okay, then you've got me and Mikleo to talk to.

[So he won't start producing malevolence if he lets himself feel it...and he wasn't a failure of a holy knight. Thank God. He breathes out, letting some of his tension and anxiety go with it. ]

Well...the risk of turning my friend into a dragon is a good motivator for speaking up, I'll admit.

[He might've repressed it more, were it not for the pact. He's not sure how to feel about himself on a lot of days, but he knows he could never live to himself if he did something to harm Mikleo like that. ]

...I hate him. I hate the idea that he can be reformed, that he could get a chance to live a happy life when all those he hurt never will. That he's going to stay in the cottage that belonged to my friend, that he's going to be fed donuts, and experience all the nice things Vash will want to do for him.

[he clutches his pant leg, bunching up the fabric in his hand]

It's not fair.

[Sorey smiles at that.]

I have to agree.

[He then listens as Jun vents to him about his feelings about the situation. There's no judgment to be seen in his expression or body language. The brunet is simply compassionate and understanding.]

No, it's not fair, [Sorey agrees.] It doesn't feel right or just, does it?

No, it doesn't.

[He'll pull his legs up onto the seat cushion, so he can wrap his hands around his knees. A more comforting position]

And because he's a child, people will want to give him a pass. Anyone who raises any objections will be seen as the jerk. Victims of him and of people like him will have to make accommodations for him. They'll have to walk on eggshells to avoid setting him off.

[Sorey gives him a nod of agreement. As far as he sees this, it's time for Jun to just vent to a friend and just get it all out.]

It feels like it's spitting in the face of the innocent people who got hurt, right?

[Essentially. Better he gets these thoughts and feelings out before they build up too much in his mind]

Yeah, it does. It really does. [He clenches his fist a little before he lets it go]

...But there isn't another option, is there?

[He sighs softly.]

Unfortunately, no. He's yet to do those things as he is right now. And... well, it's Vash's decision as to whether or not he wants to try to correct his brother's course. It's tricky and unpleasant no matter how you look at it.

[Sorey runs a hand through his hair.]

You can support Vash's decision without necessarily liking it, and you're absolutely within your rights to set up a boundary of not interacting with his brother, despite his circumstances.

[He lets out a sigh. He knows what Sorey is saying is true. That there is no such thing as a pleasant solution in this]

...I don't want to hurt Vash. He's my friend.

But I don't know if I can trust myself around his brother.

[Sorey nods at that.]

I think both feelings are more than understandable. So, since you feel that way, what do you want to do?

[In his eyes, Jun needs to make this choice himself. Sorey's given him one option earlier, but it's up to his friend to make that decision.]

[Jun is quiet for a moment, trying to sort out his thoughts and feelings slowly. ]

...I think it'd be best if I kept my distance, at least for a little while. I'm sure things are unstable with them, and I don't want to risk making it worse because I couldn't keep myself in check.

If Mikleo wants to check on Vash in person, do you mind going with him?

[Sorey is patient as he waits for Jun to sort himself out. He finishes his tea, though it's gone cold by this point. Still, he'd rather not waste it no matter how disgusting it is. When his friend speaks up again, the brunet gives him a nod.]

I think that's a solid plan. [He manages a small but reassuring smile.] Of course I will. Not to worry, we'll cover for you, dove.

[Sorey stands up and gathers his tea things.]

Tonight calls for ice cream, I think. We can watch a movie while we're at it, if you'd like.

[Sorey your devotion to tea is truly something else. And for the first time this conversation, Jun will give a small smile. As usual, talking things out with Sorey helps. ]

Thank you, Sorey. I'll think up something to send with you guys, so Vash doesn't think I'm angry with him.

[Probably a batch of donuts or something. ]

Ha...ice cream and a movie sound great. We should get something extra nice for Mikleo. He's still talking to Vash in there.

[If it's the only part of him that's pure British, he'll be glad it's just the tea. Anyway, he's glad to see that smile on Jun's face.]

Sure! And you're more than welcome, Jun-bug.

[Sorey goes over to his friend to give him a brief, one-armed hug before heading out to the kitchen.]

Hmm, there's a pastry shop within walking distance that has excellent chocolate croissants. What do you think?

[He'll return the hug happily.]

That sounds great for me. Should I head over there now, or should we wait for Mikleo to get done and go together?

[He's assuming however that conversation is going, Mikleo is going to need immediate boyfriend time ok]

[Sorey gives that a moment of thought.]

Let's wait for Mikleo and we can go together. If you want, you can pick something up for Ryouta while we're there.

[It'll give Jun the perfect excuse to cuddle his boyfriend after all this, too.]

[He sure brightens up at the mention of Ryouta]

Haha, that's a good idea. I can text him to see what he wants! You can get back to your book in the meantime, I'm sure I interrupted some good trash.

[Sorey laughs at that.]

Yes, the leading lady had just gone back in time to the "Viking Age." It's... half historically accurate, at least?

But I'm glad that I could help. Let me know what Ryouta wants and when Mikleo's ready to go.

Hey, half-accurate is better than normal!

Alright- [He'll reach for his pocket, only to remember he had given his phone to Mikleo] - Ah, right. Mikleo has my phone. Mind if I use your laptop?

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